I live in canada. yes. we have snow.
but FUCK (seriously)
this morning i was jumping over snow hills like fucking balto himself..
all the way to the bus stop and i caught the bus by maybe a half-second.
so TECHNICALLY:
if i were not resilient and nymph-like (in every way shape and form)
-being that i am god's personal prima ballerina and all.
i would have missed that bus.
and i know the rat woman is thanking every single cosmic force in the universe that this did not happen.
because i would have strait up punched her across the fucking head.
(something about the holidays that brings out the vurry best in me..)
the rat woman: looks and acts like a rat. hence further proving my theory that people who look like rats.
act like rats.
look at snoop dogg.
and this guy that came to my elementary school.
his name was frank.
he was pure rat.and obv. the resident juvenile delinquent.
why is she the rat woman one would ask?
besides being the identical twin sister of splinter from the ninja turtles.
this betch waits at the front of the bus line.
however, be forewarned that:
the concept of a LINE does not exist in riviere des prairies.
and she cuts in the line after about 3 people get on the bus.
and true to rat form,
takes the last available seat on the bus.
rat woman.
so allegedly we're harboring dead bodies in my house
because the heating is like never on.
and the mother screams at me every time i do.
my nip nips can nearly carve out a statue of "the david".
david allan grier.
i swear to you when i say i sleep with 5 layers of sheetness.
and one is a duvet.
duvet allan grier.
what else.
sidenote: i want to be in the nutcracker.
peecaz cracking nuts is my forte.
so my new years resolution is to be more positive.
because im not a miserable old man.
i'm young.
and my boobs are really perky
so no need to be negative now is there?!
basically:
the old negative melnutso thinks:
"i want to hijack santa's sleigh and take santa and his reindeer to china.
i'll take them to a bamboo garden.
strap them to the ground and sit there for 2 weeks
(in the foldy camping chair i got at canadian tire which in reality means i stole it from minty's garage.)
while bamboo grows right through their fucking foreheads.
however
the new positive melnotnutso thinks:
"this calls for sears photo studio opp..who's down for some ugly t-shirt, fake fireplace mantle editorial posing?!"
i know i am.
and for you pleasure but in reality just the pleasure of mine-own:
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JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-AH!
