when the idea for this post sprung to my mind.
(If you were wondering, I actually did watch the entire game
multitasking at its finest)
Here lies
A lesson on how to get
Completely
Shitfaced
And still look
like her majesty
of fabulous
In 3 easy steps:
Lipstick
My rule of thumb is no lipstick
Last time i checked
"excentric grandmother on sleeping pills face first in a bowl of soup"
Was never a good look
It reminds me of that episode of The Simpsons
where homer invents the makeup gun
And shoots Marge in the face
on "Whore setting".
Unless you want to look
Like you just gave oral pleasure
to a rainbow
By all means...
Heels
Unless you can walk in them
Please avoid heels at all cost:
Opt for wedges if you have to.
For Nothing pains me more
Than a drunk girl
At 3 am
Walking around looking like
That mother fucker from
Lord of the rings.
Attire
If you're going to wear a mini skirt
Thats 2 sizes too small
All the power to you.
Its the 21st century
And monistat is totally a thing
We have access to:
Like clean drinking water.
But for god's sake wear some normal underwear.
Thongs are sexy
But i dont feel like seeing your
Saggy ass.
Prosciutto belongs in the window of a butcher shop
Not above my head in a night club
Spreading microscopic fecal matter all over my vodka soda
While you're dancing,
Convulsing,
Or whatever it is you think you're doing up there.
