dear friday night, suck it. Sincerely, the almighty almighty.

this is going to be almost but not quite as bad as Gigli
(cue part where the girl slits her wrists and goes "WOOOOOOO WOOOOOOO")

scene 1: murdering shari lewis' lambchops. (get some homicide up in dis biznatch)



scene 2: drinking baby lotion out of a tim hortons glass.
(all the cool kids are doing it)


scene three: wearing these sunglasses. when i put these motherfuckers on, i instantly transform into a gay Norwegian rave kid with green spiky hair and giant bell bottom pants and indoor soccer shoes.
or a futuristic ray charles on eurovision.
(flipping you off with the murder weapon.
if this were Clue. you'd be winning.)


scene four: superimposing this crazy bitch's head to my body.


ergo.
you know you wish you were me.
i even wish i was me.
and i am me.

in all fairness.
at least we know i MOST DEFINITELY wont ever be on a "who's the daddy?" episode of Maury.

i give this night a solid 8/10.