I know nobody gives a shit, but...

I vow
(Totally)
To jog every single sunny day this week
Truth is,
I'm going to MIA
(The city.
Not the "all I wanna do is DSH DSH DSH DSH" recording artist from sri lanka)
I have bikinis to wear
And oil to apply (generously)
And the task at hand
will process a lot easier
If doing so would NOT result
In people gauging the eyeballs
Out of their skull
The consequence of which
really does a number on my self-esteem
The truth is:
I like to run because I hate children
But I love it when they're on bikes
Riding in my direction
Facilitating the necessary (quite)
reaction
Of clothes-lining them in the throat
As I run past them
Using the earbud cord
Attached to my ipod
Fucking Braveheart style
Bitch don't play.

Topic number dos

Tattoos

Here's lookin' at you tribal arm band
So I kinda sorta wanna get a tattoo...
But there is a severely thin line
Between pensive and fucking disgusting
Like someone injected barf into the
Surface of your skin
In the shape of a pretty little butterfly
or flower of sorts
As my friend bianca from champlain
Put it perfectly:

"What the fuck am I gunna do with tinkerbelle on my back when I'm 50"

Golden.

What makes me really laugh?
People that get historical monument tattoos.
I don't know anyone (or do I?)
But what would possess someone,
Or who would have such a strong specific affinity
Towards a building or a statue
To get it tattooed to a random location on their body?
What?
Did your grandfather build it or something?
My grandfather helped build the Olympic Stadium
That doesn't mean (or does it)
I'm gunna go get it tattooed
To the entire side of my torso
Fucking biodome sprawling out onto my stomach
Botanical gardens on my ass
And piece de resistance
Pie X street sign on the outer part
Of my index finger
So when I hold my finger up to my lips
As if to say "shh"
I'll be saying "ghettoooo" instead
Very sexy

Ps. The only tattoo idea I ever considered was stolen
and LAMELY modified
by this fucking loser
that use to
(and probably still does for that matter)
get hard
looking at his own reflection
in the mirror