success is when...

you're too black
to wear the foundation you were wearing 3 weeks ago.
yes.
you know me.
i dream big.
my goal this summer
is to reach Whoopi Goldberg
blackness.
and what all you future
"rappatas" dont know
is that doing so
entails that you should be using
spf 60.
and by "rappata"
i most definately mean
the late.
the great.
eunice kennedy shriver's face.
because my immediate reaction
when i saw her face
about 3 and a half years ago
on the internet
in a computer room at champlain
was:
"MINGIA!"
so unless you want to look
like your face is
literally melting off your head
forcing self-loathing italians everywhere
to scream out
"MINGIA"
in a semi-packed mac computer-filled room on the south shore...
when they see your sexy face
on justjared.com
SPF 60.

so for some reason
never fails
my esthetician and i
always end up having an hour long coversation
about her 17 year old son.
this means.
i'll be there
with my legs in the air.
in full bikini wax mode
and we're there
talking about:

what he wants to be when he grows up.
what he did during the weekend
what his hobbies are.
how long he can hold his breath under water
how big his hands/feet are
so on and so forth.

he seems like a nice kid.
i want to meet him one day
just so i can say:

"...you remind me of my pubes"

and then just walk away.
and i'm gunna be that person
the iconic figure in his life.
who just walked up to him one day
on the street
no hello.
no nothing.
just

"...you remind me of my pubes"

haunting his dreams from that day forward.

it will surely be
without a shadow of a doubt
the best day
of my
and his life.



first plan of action
find out what he looks like.
if all else fails.
i'll just go around RDP
half naked,
disheveled,
barefoot
(like britney spears at her
"breaking car windows with umbrellas" prime)
screaming "CHRISTOPHER!?!?!"

awwww yeah.