i've chosen out names.
and you can rest assured.
that "mortimer" is one of them.
"miss thang" is another one.
so today i had the great fortune of reading the biography of ted bundy out loud.
to a heaping audience of 2.
bitch was fucked.
so basically i've been working on my psychopath history.
cause there are A LOT.
and i need to outsmart the magnetic force field which i exude that super-sucks in psychopaths.
and sociopaths.
like a turkey baster.
they come in every shape and form all having one thing in common.
the desire to see me lose my fucking mind.
you know its bad when half the people you meet remind you of alex from clockwork.
next thing you know he's cutting the boobs off your orange spandex onesie while he's not singing "singin' in the rain"
my psycho sings the mentos theme song.
then he hums it in the bathtub and then i go in there only to stick a hand grenade (shaped like a giant marble penis) up his ass.
(in case you were wondering. i get out before it goes kablammo)
just like keanu in speed.
am i the only one bothered by the fact that alex cuts a perfectly fine orange spandex onesie?
if i remember correctly, there WAS a zipper on that thing.
zippers are there for a reason.
they're there so that in order to take it off, you don't need to use scissors to do this.
my magnet not only "come hither's" sociopaths.
it also attracts homeless men.
only those who smell like a mixture of piss and colt 45
(boiled at high for 10 mins, decrease heat and let simmer for an hour)
the same ones that don't make any sense when they're screaming at you while waving a banana furiously over their head.
ps. how fucking awesome is the picture of the dog with the syringe in his mouth?
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