I'm starting a new thing
so when someone pisses you off you say:
"Go suck a grasshopper's ass"
Imagine sucking a grasshopper's ass?
That's fucking disgusting
Like you'd have to spread the legs.
And do grasshoppers even have an ass?
I'd imagine it'd be a lot like sucking victoria beckham's ass
Like sucking on an empty juice box
But she's pregnant now
So...
Kinder surprise!!
(yes. totally uncalled for but tough fucking titties)
I'm at the clinic LIVE
Aka my home away from home
And obv I have to be seated next to
The token "gremlin creature" of the hospice.
You know its gunna be good
When said gremlin is about 500 lbs
With a mustachio
And SHE starts violently choking on her coffee
Screaming "esti q'c'est chaud"
No shit.
She's currently pulling a sweat while she reads
What seemingly is an erotic noveletta.
It might be twilight though.
Ill get back to you on that one.
You have to see the man next to me
He's pulling the exact "fuck my world up the ass" face as I am
I bet you he's thinking the same thing as I am too
"Why is there a tv. And why isn't "the view" on?"
So I just turned to him and said
"Its not 11 yet"
Allergic reaction to dancing cats?
I'm sure this is the question everyone has been asking themselves these days
My brother is allergic to kitty kats
(That and he's also allergic to NOT being annoying)
Hahahahahhahahahahahhahhahahhaa.
So the other day he had an allergic reaction to som som
And everyone was perplexed as to what caused this.
So this is the part where where I come in (obv)
With my brilliant theory (ditto)
That he (my brother) had been cornered in a dark alley
By a litter of
you guessed it,
professional ballet jazz dancing cats.
Then I continued to hum the song from the opening scene of west side story
With my claws out (like a cat).
After that is a blur since I was laughing for a good 5 minutes or so.
At my own joke?
Yes.
all by myself?
You know it.
No comments:
Post a Comment