1) to become a saint
yes yes. god knows i have the mouth of a truck driver, however i've devised a plan. eventually, i'll become a nun or something, move to a third world country and start selflessly helping the poor. maybe. worse comes to worst, everyone knows the roman catholic church is corrupt, so in that case, i guess i can blow my way into the hearts of the clergy.(you've always gotta have a plan B when it comes to entering saintdom) Although i never stopped to think that the reality of me not being a prepubescent male may serve as off-putting.
2) Open a small business in a local italian neighborhood.
two businesses actually. a halloween costume store to suit your every halloween costume need. i'm gunna call it Vaffangouls and Goblins (appropriately so.) the other's gunna be a jewellery store (cause i gotta keep it ballin') and i'm going to call that "Vaffanjewels and Diamonds". They'll be the most b.a. stores to ever surface the asscheek that is the small italian burrow.
3) to be Belle from Beauty and the Beast at Disney World.
I hate kids. and i'm as bubbly as a bottle of vintage merlot. but i have this determination to push young children to the ground at every opportunity i get. I dont know what it is. you know those toddlers that they're abnormally small and round for some reason. and you just see them dragging themselves around all pudgesters. i always imagined pushing them over with my foot (on a carpeted area cause any other surface would make me cruel) and watch them fall to the ground but i imagine them rolling kinda back and forth like a olden time rocking chair. I think it would be the single most hilarious thing in life to see. of course i'd be fired immediately. but like whatever. who needs disney land when you own a store called Vaffanjewels and Diamonds. (which totally rapes DW in legitness).
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