melissa snoodle

dis-en-chant verb: to rid of or free from enchantment, illusion, credulity, etc.; disillusion.

Not a day goes by that i don't thank the spiritual forces for making me unconventionally pretty. because being fugs and overweight most of my life allowed me to develop a little something called a personality. now with this makes it so that in 20 years from now, when the greys and wrinkles set in, it'll be okay since i'm already use to being like MEH. HOWEVER. someone who's gorgeous will go fucking crazy- case in point: "the real housewives of...", paula abdul, lassie, etc. Its like. what do you have when you're an older woman and you're not fucking catherine zeta-jones? fake tits and annoyingness? that's no fun. so therefore. I win.

Over the past 21 years, i've analyzed and studied every single thing that happens around me, and i mean everything. Essentially, i have the worst luck ever. i'm insistant that in a past life i had been some psychotic napoleon-type who ran through towns chopping off heads with saws or partaking in bestiality-driven orgies. so here i am thinking i was a nazi who raped Black Stallion when i realized that maybe it isnt bad luck at all. There HAS to be a reason why all this weird stuff happens.

I am disenchanted. by everything. any sort of sexy illusion out there has knocked on my door in the form of a jehova's witness at 9 am on a saturday morning, forcing me out of bed to look out the tiny diamond shape hole in my door, where i proceed to run away from it thinking to myself "holy god, i hope they didnt see my shadow running away from my glass window door". and its really bad because you didnt bother to put your pants on so they probably saw EVERYTHING and are like dunking their heads in javex to rid themselves of the memories. but its okay cause i'm like "FUCK YOU AL PACINO in "the devil's advocate", you're not gunna fuck with me, no way man, fuck you!" Anyway, my point is. i have lost all faith in humanity. I've watched enough episodes of intervention to know how everyone is on fucking crystal meth (i'll focus on that reality when i decide to post something on how you prevent yourself from getting shit stolen from the trunk of your friend's car). So lets recap: i've come to the realization that i'm not in kansas anymore, toto. oh and i've accepted it, and now i'm going to have some fun.

enjoy.