my displeasure in pants: part 1.

there are a lot of things that i dislike.
this whole entire blog is based on the fundementals of my hatred for things.
and people.
and more things.

things like pants.
the clothing. not the band.
i dont know if there is a band called pants.
but if there isn't there should be. and if that name isnt taken yet 5-4-3-2-1
its MINE.

in my house, there is a strict "no-pants" policy.
a rule that i made up and exclusively follow.
if you're at my house. you know its me because i'm the only one in the pants without house.
im serious.

the journey begins at the door.
i unlock the door. open door. step inside house. close door. lock door.
and immediately BOOM (just like that) off come the pants (all my pants have snaps on the sides to facilitate the latter).
then i leave them at the entrance and walk upstairs to my room.
its gotten to the point where my dog doesnt even recognize me with pants on.
she automatically assumes i'm a stranger and attacks me.
that and there's a wicked mountain of pants in my entrance (my mom threatens to sell them then i threaten to kill her. thats how it goes).

pants are uncomfortable.
i dont think i can stress this any more than i already have.
my legs are not use to the conformity that is material hugging the thighs (see previous post).
i wish i could start a club.
a "NOT a fan of Pants" club.
unless they're polazzo pants (ew) or leggings, movement is primitive.
and you know how 95% of my time these days is spent in spread eagle position.
that and doing airborne splits just in case there's a photographer who's job is making the tectonic for an off-broadway rendition of "Rent".
you NEVER know.

i also have quite the sophisticated fear of camel toe.
i don't think i've ever had camel toe. but the fear abides.
nobody wants camel toe. especially not moi.
camel toe should remain an artform practiced by rappers girlfriends and rappers girlfriends alone.
i BY FAR cannot compete with rappers girlfriends because:
my boobs arent that big.
my thighs arent that thick
i'm not orange.
not blonde
and i refuse. but ABSOLUTELY refuse to take in in the ass.