perds.

you knew it would come down to this.
you all knew. one day i was going to steep soooooo low.
so low as to write an entry about periods.
are you surprised?
i'm not.

quite simply put. menstruation is the most REVOLTING
disgusting
annoying thing any girl has to experience.
and OBV men out there have no idea what im talking about so.
imagine having to take a poo.
endlessly. for a 4-8 days strait.
and you can't sit normally because it feels like you have to take a poo.
and you can't concentrate on stuff like work and making people explode with your eyes cause it feels like you have to take a poo.
but you DONT ACTUALLY HAVE TO. and that's the worst part.
oh and also. you cant go anywhere without thinking you're hemorrhaging and there's blood all over your pants and everyone is staring at you.
this whole week of shitballshit revolves around paranoia and continuous peristalses.
and boils the size of your fist. on your chin.

and then you have those tampon commercials where women are doing the impossible.
like walking around.
playing lacrosse.
shopping
its like newsflash.
the simple act of moving during those times is a miraculous feat in itself.
while on my menses i can usually be found sitting vegetatively in a hammock in my underwear. flies circulating.
and then my mother passes me stuff like food. coloring books and knives.
using a sling-shot from various distances inside my house.
we call it "pin the random crap on the puta" or to be more PC. "mother-daughter bonding time"

thats why.
if i were to write and direct my own tampon commercial it would go a little something like this:

Me (duh)
jogging pants.
no bra.
dirty hair.
walking around screaming "FUCK YOU and FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"
to ever person i see.
(including and especially including pre-schoolers and the elderly)

fuck.
you know what. i dont even want kids.
i don't need to deal with this bull shit.
why should i have to suffer once a month when my reproductive system is pretty much the "sleeping beauty" of reproductive systems.
it has been sleeping peacefully for about a hundred years but it still manages to look like a 21 year old.
im pretty sure if you took an Xray of my lower torso you'd see this:



my uturus is a scene from tim burton's the nightmare before christmas (the same little skeletor man dances on my fallopian tubes.)
and sperm knows this.fully aware.
i hope tim burton is aware of this too.
i'm writing him a letter as i write this post...

"to whom this may concern,

provided is the image given to me by my GP regarding recent Xrays taken.
does it look familiar?
i'm sure it does.
plagiarist.
you owe me 32 million dollars.

sincerely
Melissa Nudo"