they MUST be stopped

have you ever found yourself on a random street corner in hollyweird, california?
have you ever seen lindsay lohan or perhaps her grandmotherlittlesister?
Maybe you hit the jackpot by landing a glimpse of lindsay in about 5 years...the mom.
(i would have given more than 5 but 23 year old women are not supposed to look like the poster-child for osteoporosis)

Have you ever experienced a lohan encounter where you found yourself thinking
"if only i had a heavy, sharp, high voltaged object to throw at these mother fuckers"
...objects like oscar awards, staple guns and power lines.

if you answered "yes" to all of the above.
then consider this your lucky day.
for i just invented a tv show cleverly titled:

"Whipping Stuff at the Lohans"

The show where contestants get to show off their throwing skills
by aiming and injuring a member of the lohan clan.
without notice.
like a fucking phantom.
(a balanced mixture of TMZ and major league baseball)

Contestants will compete for the chance to win a variety of prizes such as:

- an all expense paid trip to Montpelier, Vermont.
- A photograph of yours truly bending over suggestively in front of a greased up stripper pole.
- and the possibility of hitting and possibly decapitating the most annoying group of people on the face of the earth.

Then everyone can sleep easier knowing that Late-Night Gollum
has been randomly slapped across the face by a steaming hot
sandwich press.