i like to imagine hell

as being a little like having to take a greyhound bus from montreal to daytona beach while having to watch the movie "Evita!" for the entire 30 hour trek.

c'mon dont lie
you know you're in a situation of sorts when you have to begin contemplating whether or not said situation would be like hell.

i do this about 150 times a day

in line at mcdonald's at 8 o'clock in the morning on a saturday and there's like 19 people in front of you ordering cappuccinos and that takes like a zillion years to make esp if the person serving you is mentally retarded. and all you want is a gd percolator stylez coffee but no. cause you have to wait for the earth to collide with the sun in order to get your caffeine fix when all you wanna do is just SIT DOWN.

or how abouts.

waiting for the bus. when its -40 and the person in back of you keeps unnecessarily touching you and there's 2 annoying girls diarrhea-ing garbage talk out of their assholes and you kinda wanna turn around and say "WOULD YOU MIND?!" but you know you won't cause you don't have the balls. so then you turn the music louder and the bus finally comes after like 47 years. then you get the best seat on the bus right next to the door (and you think to yourself "shit. what if someone steals my ipod and runs out the door?) then this paraplegic guy gets on with his walking thing and he comes directly at you with his swagga and tells you to get out of the seat because its his seat. and you roll your eyes like you just been impaled by the horns of a bull (yes. THAT BAD). and you sigh a sigh that is so intense it almost sounds orgasmic. but like. raped orgasmic. like not good. then you have to go the the back of the bus where you're forced to sit next to someone who smells like mothballs and some douchebot that's listening to techno full fucking blast.

should i go for 1 more?

k k
k (OH FUCK)

gastro. you wake up in the morning and you're still half dead so you think "ouu a tickle in me throat" but non.
it's the big G (and by G i definately. most definately do not mean Gargoyle)
you wake up 2 hours later and you think "i feel like berfing" (that's not a typo)
then you drag your ass to the toilet. get on your knees and do your womanly duty (NOT)

you know how the rest goes. and the next 12 hours of your day. with a cameo appearance by 7up. and toast.
and lipton soup...i always ask the mother to put alphabet pastinas when i have Gastro in hopes that the words "MELISSA IS GOD" will come out whilst i be purgin'.

fahhh sho.