its long. but still. i want it REALLY long.
my goal is to be able to make it so that its long enough for me to scotch-tape my hair to my tats. and just walk around with my hair taped to my boobs.
it'll be the WORST thing ever but i dont really give a shit.
people have bad style as it is. so i figured what difference will it make if i pull a chestal cousin itt?
at that point i can do or say anything i want because people will think i'm so strung out on heroin that OBVIOUSLY i forgot to put on a shirt.
i'm going to do it. i'm going to wear a pair of high waisted vacuum-packed pants. bare chested covered in nothing but my own god-given glory of hair with the grace and poise of a unicorn sacrificed in order to save the mystical land of the WB.
the only prob is that i have really thin hair. like really. comb-over style. not. i wish. so if you know anyone who is willing to donate hair. let me know.
on second thought. that's a horrible idea.
"yes. i know you grew your hair out in order to donate to wig makers for cancer patients..but i have this friend who has a really cool outfit idea where she wants to make it so that her boobs look like the fucked up girl from the ring."
do you think the guy from the black eyed peas kept his hair? the asian looking guy that doesnt really do anything besides scare the shit out of me. and now he has the whole "middle aged mom" look going on and its like this is even worse. did this inspiration come from a long evening spent with his hairstylist and a water bong watching an all-night marathon of the real housewives of atlanta or some shit? this is not a good look for him. i miss the days when he looked like the 2$ noodles guy. i can no longer go to 2$ noodles and scream "BLACK GUY'S PEEEEE". seriously. ruined. EVERYTHING.
this is a BAD idea.
similar to the time i was dead set on being able to fit my hands full circle around my waist.
like put the tips of your fingers together like you're holding a sandwich...that small..
then i realized in order to achieve that amazingness i would have to remove like about 3 ribs and i would have to give up solid foods for a very long time (on the plus side i get to tempt them boyz by asking them if they want to see my "feeding tube". little do they know i'm not being kinky).
and unless i'm considering a career in burlesque whoredom or joining the cast of mad men. this is completely pointless.
i was going up to people and i was like ITS DONE. ITS DONE. IM ON IT LIKE WHITE ON A MOTEL BEDSPREAD. (i didnt say that)
but people were like ARE YOU CRAZZZZZZZYYYY and i was like "are you even asking that question? of course i'm crazy."
who in their right mind would be willing to even consider making the sacrifices in order to have a 16 inch waist?
like sands through the hour glass. so are the days of our lives
i want to look like that god damn hour glass. with a MEH face (that hour glass has the face of all the angels combined. that of which i cannot compete)
yes. i'm patting myself on the back for my second reference to "Days" in the last 2 posts...the worst part is i didn't even like days of our lives that much. i was on the Passions bandwagon.
its cause there were 2 characters on that show and their names combined was LUIS MIGUEL which resulted in a 12 year old version of myself exploding panty juice all over the walls of my house (and those walls are brick. my mom was PISSED.)
their last name was Lopez-Fitzgerald.
so basically. if tequila and guiness beer met. and they fucked. LUIS MIGUEL would be the by-product of that magical evening (ps LUIS MIGUEL is never NOT capitalized. your goal is to sound like a hysterical espanol woman when you say it. then you put your hand over your forehead and faint ever so gracefully to the floor)
they also had a sister theresa. but fuck her.
and then their was the doll "Timmy". then he died. that was sad (note: i always say "that was sad" when i mention the dead doll...sometimes i blow everyone's mind by adding a "SO" before the "sad", but only when they least expect it)
i wanted to marry every old man on that show especially if all you could hear was their voice.
and all the older women were buxom while all the younger ones had inverted chests of non-tittyness.
i liked that show.
the formula is simple:
silly love triangles + social class tension / devil worship = GENIUS
and then i waste 6 years of my life.
on that note i'll leave you with this
SO sad.
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